A Bad Trip
by Charlie Death
Summary: America was on a rescue mission to save his friend Tony who crash landed in Kapustin Yar, USSR. He saved his friend but can he save his heart from his enemy?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I had written and completed this awhile ago. I appologise for not posting for so long or continuing my other stories. I will get to them when I can. I have been away from my own computer for so long. I will start posting again. Please be patient and wait. I'll try to get back to work and sorry for posting so late. As a side note, this takes place in 1957 during the Cold War.

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><p>CH 1<p>

"It's been such a long day. I just vant to get back home and sleep." Ivan laid his head down on the controls and stared at the empty bottle of vodka that had tipped over. "I'm out of vodka… I don't vant to have to clean up all the exploded missiles on the launch pads again. Sometimes I vonder if countries can get cancer from that."

A red light began to flash as an alarm sounded. The screen he was _supposed_ to be monitoring shown a small blip had entered the airspace. Glancing at his schedule and realised no one was scheduled to fly in the airspace because of the test launches that were scheduled to occur in the next couple of hours.

"Ebat'! Not _them_ again! I'm going to kill you this time!" Ivan leapt from his seat and rushed towards the direction of the fighter planes that were docked in case of an attack. _This_ attack. "I'm tired of cleaning up exploded missiles!"

Ivan pulled a pilot out of their plane and jumped in. "I'm sorry, Comrade. But I have a score to settle vith them." The soviet pilot just stared up at his superior officer stunned as the plane started up before fleeing as he rocketed off towards the suspiciously glowing ships in the air. "This is MY airspace!"

He caught up with the other pilots as they were already in an intense aerial battle. Gritting his teeth, he un-leashed a stream of bullets to the one ship that seemed to be in the lead of the others. He guessed, hopefully and rather correctly, to be the leader of the attackers. As the bullets made contact with the ship, a ray was emitted from it in a direction of his own plane. He evaded it easily, but lost one of his comrades to the ray as they exploded in the air. Now furious to lose someone on his side, he became more determined to take down his enemy. The beam swung around and targeted the missiles that were prepped and ready for testing, destroying them on impact. Ivan let out a long stream of Russian swears as he continued to fire, setting loose all AAMs equipped at the ship.

Duel explosions occurred on the back half of the ship, engulfing it in a thick fiery smoke. Ivan held his breath, waiting to see if the ship emerged, or if it was entirely destroyed. Part of him wanted it gone to serve as a warning to all the others that decided to invade Soviet Russian airspace, the other, wanted that damned pilot _alive_ for the most severe interrogation that the USSR has to offer.

His face lit up as it sped from the cloud, the front still intact, but the back smoking as it took a steep incline. Losing most of his senses, he continued firing at the downed aircraft yelling repeatedly, "I GOT YOU! I FINALLY GOT YOU!"

Seeing that this was a sign of defeat, the remaining ships retreated so quickly they seemed to vanish in thin air. The remaining Soviet aircrafts, some damaged, a couple un-harmed, began a steady decent to the ground, landing safely, glad they not only survived the un-known attack, but to have taken down one of their enemies. Ivan landed his plane roughly off course, something he was going to hear about later, and rushed over to his kill.

The ship remained smoking, its un-earthly glow gone, revealing a metallic structure. If it wasn't for the dark smoke coming from the back end, Ivan would have thought that they had just landed there to mess with him. He's heard of this description, the one of the UFO's that plagued America. Now that he's up close, it resembles what he heard about. He had to laugh as he stared at it amazed that he shot it down, seeing how the one that supposedly crashed on it's own in the US had exploded on impact while his didn't.

"Silly Americans. Can't have NLOs crash land in their country and break. Guess those vere crappy American quality as well," He chuckled to himself before he, he began to bash at what he assumed was the entrance with his water-pipe. His plan was to get in and pull out whoever was inside himself. He didn't have to; the door opened and the pilot stumbled out themselves. What emerged was a rather skinny, pale creature with large red eyes. "You belong to Mother Russia now, da?"

Alfred paced back and forth stuffing a burger in his mouth as he mumbled incoherently to himself. The soldiers that were standing guard at the gate gave each other worried looks about the young man talking to himself. They both jumped when he threw down his empty drink at the ground and yelled at the sky.

"DAMN IT, TONY! WHERE THE HELL CAN YOU BE, DUDE?" Alfred kicked the cup out of frustration sending it flying over the barbed wire fence. "Don't tell me he stood me up. That's just lame!"

The soldiers stood there paying no attention to the blond on a rampage. He would disappear and reappear with more food soon enough. It was a miracle how he didn't gain any weight with how much he consumes. But they never argued, as long as he had food, he was calm, if not a bit hyper.

"I'm going to call him. I hate being stood up. It's been 4 hours! Seriously, how long does it take him to go there and back?" Alfred muttered to himself as he got into the lower levels of the base. He rudely shoved someone away from the radio and began to turn to the right frequency. "Brit Killer. Calling Brit Killer... Damn it Tony, pick up!"

Ivan paced around his captive. They had brought the ship into the base and out of sight. Luckily, someone else got the debris clean-up duty, so he was left to deal with their little "problem." He wrinkled his large nose at the alien who just looked away from him as if not entirely interested or worried that he is held as a POW in one of the largest Soviet missile bases.

"Vhy don't you _speak_?" He shouted as he punched him. He didn't care if he knocked him unconscious. At least _then_ the creature will have an excuse to be silent. "All I vant to know is vhere did you come from. Vhy you are attacking Kapustin Yar, and VHY do you alvays come over here?"

The alien remained un-interested in the Russian, spitting his pinkish blood from his mouth. Wait, he had a mouth? Ivan thought for a moment. The attacks were quite aggravating and there was only _one_ person who was as irritating and annoying as the alien invasions on his base. He sighed and switched over to English.

"Vhy did you blow up my missiles?" Ivan asked slowly.

"Fuck you." The alien replied.

'_Aha! He is American! I knew it! Those damn capitalists alvays trying to ruin our damn progress! God they are so annoying!'_

A faint hissing noise came from the ship along with a gargled noise. Both Ivan and his prisoner looked up at the same time. A grin came across his face as he walked away from his prisoner and into the ship, ignoring it's fantastic technology that out does his own.

"_Come in Brit Killer. This is the Hero! ANSWER ME!" _

Ivan stared at the radio device for a moment. It didn't seem that difficult to operate, so he pushed a button and spoke into what he hoped was the microphone.

"Not available," He answered in English with a heavy accent. There was a long silence before there was a reply, a soft one at first, but then it grew into a frenzied cry.

"N-not available? Wait... WHO ARE YOU? What did you do to my friend, man?"

"Nothing yet, but I'm getting ready for an autopsy," He lied with a snicker.

"You _killed_ him? You... You DICK!"

"Not yet, my Capitalist friend. But he is now property of the Soviet military. Come and get him, I _dare_ you." Ivan let go of the button and walked away ignoring the yelling that came from the speakers, a large grin on his face.

"That... THAT DIRTY COMMIE!" Alfred yelled as he slammed his fists on the table. "He captured Tony!" He let out an exasperated sigh before perking up. "No worries, I'm the Hero and the Hero always rescues his friends from the hands of evil!"

Alfred ran, or rather speed skipped out of the base with a wide grin. "It looks like _this_ Hero is going to Soviet Russia to kick some Commie ASS!"


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

Ivan paced around his POW, grinning maliciously down at the creature. Tony was obviously freaked out now since the Russian found a great joy in over emphasising his name when he was spoken to.

"So _Tony_, vhen do you think your _friend_ vill get here? That is… if he decides to come here or not. Or perhaps, ve shot his plane out of the sky before he could even reach here. Vhat do you think, _Tony_?" Ivan grinned as he bent over him.

Tony no longer was seated comfortably in a chair, but was now strapped to a freezing metal table surrounded by menacing medical instruments. Surely the Russian didn't have it in him to just chop him up alive and lose his only card in drawing the over-confident "Hero" out. It definitely wasn't done in the movies, so why should it be done in real life?

Ivan picked up a scalpel and looked at it, the lighting and his hair casting a shadow over his eyes, made him seem even _creepier_ at the moment.

"I vonder how thick your skin is..." Ivan spoke in an un-naturally low voice for him as he turned to Tony. He ran his finger lightly down the edge of the blade and cut himself. He didn't even notice the blood trickling down his finger as his infamous Kolkolkol aura began to seep out of him.

Tony just let out a tiny whimper of "Fuck!" before attempting to wiggle away in his restraints. The Russian guffawed in his low voice before being interrupted by the flashing light and alarm. His large grin only widened at the sound.

"Comrade!" A tall thin officer ran up to him with an alarmed expression on his face. "There is a single aircraft entering our airspace! Should ve still send out our planes to meet them or do ve launch our remaining missiles at them?"

"Niet. Let me handle them."

Ivan strolled to the radio room and calmly sat down at the controls waiting for a message. Knowing how America has been in the previous wars, he was bound to announce his presence. After all, isn't that what they do in the movies?

Alfred looked around, scrunching up his nose at the Russian landscape. He's been flying for far too long and used up most of his fuel. He'll have to land, but if he does, he won't have enough fuel to make it back home or even in the air.

"No worries!" He laughed to himself. "I can always just steal one of their crappy planes and get back home! Oh, but I hope there will be an aerial battle!"

Long stretches of landing strips and platforms with debris scattered about came into view. Alfred laughed at how "un-tidy" and "dirty" they are compared to him, though he shouldn't be talking with how much trash he has lying around from the food he eats. As he continued to get closer he got more excited if at all possible. No one was coming out to attack him, rather than seeing this as disappointing, he felt it meant that this was going to be the "final showdown" between the glorious Democratic hero and the oppressive Communist scum.

"This is so exciting! It's just so easy! ... _Too_ easy if you ask me. He must be waiting for me." Alfred chuckled before he switched on the radio to the frequency that his spies told him was the one the Soviets used. "Hey Communist bastard! I know you're theeeeere~!"

There was a short silence before he received a reply.

"Of course I am, Capitalist _ass_. I have been vatching you since you came into my airspace." The voice chuckled.

"Hahaha! I knew you were!" Alfred said rather loudly, un-knowingly making some of the listeners on the other side flinch back at the sudden volume increase. "I was beginning to think infiltrating the Soviet Union was too easy."

"You're not infiltrating if you have been _lured_ in." There was a chuckle. "But who's to say it's so easy? I could _easily_ send you to your grave now."

Alfred was going to make a comment back when a missile emerging from a hidden location caught his attention. He let out an enthusiastic laugh.

"Now _that's_ what I'm talking about! Bring it on, dude!"

There was a burst of sudden laughter over the radio that made Afred un-easy. "I von't kill you, unless..." There was a long pause that made Alfred fidget in his seat as he approached the base still. "...you have the _balls_ to meet me face to face."

Alfred let out a sigh of relief. "Just that? I can take you down fatso! Noooo problem!"

A few gasps were heard over the radio as well as a long line of swears. _That_ hit the spot. _Now_ Alfred was ready for the final battle. Can't go into a fight unless you know the other end will be trying his best. Besides, he'd love to go tell Arthur that he called Ivan fat and lived to tell the tale. Beating the crap out of him was only an added bonus.

The missile launched, barely missing Alfred. He let out a squeal of laughter before blowing up a docked plane in retaliation.

"Stop that, or I von't miss this time." The Russian answered coldly over the radio.

"Aww, is the wittle Commie's feewings huwt?" Alfred teased with a laugh.

"No, but I don't feel like scrapping American _body parts off of my base_ today." He sounded serious. Alfred thought that now was a good time to shut up. "Land your aircraft now."

"Why should I trust you, _Communist_?"

"Because I still have your friend here, _alive_, Capitalist."

Alfred put on his serious face, looking un-characteristically focused. He landed his plane, as he guessed, with almost no fuel, and followed Ivan's strict directions through the base. The place was ominous with a major lack of Soviet soldiers for a top secret missile testing base. Forgetting the last part of the directions he decided to do Eeenie-Meenie-Minnie-Moe on the different corridors to follow, but it wasn't needed because he could hear Tony's voice.

"Fuck you! Get that fucking thing away from me!"

"DON'T WORRY, TONY! THE HERO IS ON HIS WAY!" Alfred chimed as he bolted down the halls and kicked down the door. "The Hero has arrived! Communists beware!" He flashed a large grin and a thumbs up, surely if this was a movie, the American flag will be waving behind him with dramatic music.

Ivan just gave him an un-amused face. "You know, Jones. That vasn't really necessary..."

"Yes it was! It is _always_ necessary for the Hero to make a dramatic entrance into the villain's lair!"

"You know... From my point of view, _you_ are the villain?"

"What? Nu-uh! I'm _always_ the Hero, because I stand for democracy and _Freedom!_ You stand for... evil Communist... oppressiveness of evil and—YOU'RE JUST A VILLAIN ALRIGHT? _I'm_ the good guy, and _you're _the bad guy! Got it?" He spoke pointing fingers to get his point across.

"Vhatever." Ivan shrugged and looked back at Tony. "I guess your friend _did_ come to save you after all."

"Of course I did! A true Hero never leaves his friend behind!" At that, Alfred ran over to Tony in yet another dramatic way.

Ivan let out a sigh. "Do you really think I'd let you get him, _that_ easily?" He stuck out his water-pipe and hit the American in the chest and pulled him into him from behind, holding his arms down with the pipe and chuckled as Alfred struggled to free himself. "I am _alvays_ a step ahead of you."

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><p><strong>AN:** Just to add a little history and because I forgot to leave a brief bit of information for those who do not know Kapustin Yar is a Soviet missile base. The story is, or rather stories, is that there have been several battles between Soviet planes and UFO's. Because the Russians kept firing on the aliens, they retaliated by exploding the missiles various buildings...repeatedly. There is also rumours of the Soviets succeeding in shooting one down and holding it inside the base for testing. As for the NLO's in the previous chapter, "NLO" is the transliteration of the Russian form of "UFO." Ivan is just used to seeing it as "NLO" so he refers to them as such. I just love ufology.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

'_Play it cool, dude. He may have caught you, but he _is NOT _the Hero of _this_ story!'_

"Oh? Are you now?" Alfred laughed and tried to slip out from underneath the pipe. Ivan only tightened it and caught him in place.

'_Damn it. Well, that didn't work. Let's see… guess I'll have to resort to dirty tricks…. Like a Commie….ew nevermind. Hey wait! Isn't this the point of the story where the villain explains his evil plan? I'll just get him to spill the beans on his plans to take over the world. Haha! I'm so sneaky!'_

"You're creeping me out. Vhy are you so quiet?" Ivan spoke loosening his grip only slightly.

"I was just thinking about how I'm going to—"

"You can think?" He sounded amazed.

"W-what! Of _course_ I can think! Where did you think I got all my awesome plans to win wars from?" Alfred sputtered in defence. How _dare_ he question his intelligence! "Anyways, as. I. Was. Saying… I was thinking about how I'm going to kick your ass to oblivion!"

"Ooh, I'm so scared~~" Ivan teased with a stifled giggle.

"You bet you will be when I get out of—"

"_If_ you get out. _If_."

"What do you mean 'if'? I'm the Hero, of course I will!" At that, Alfred managed to slip out from under the pipe and jumped up in front of him. "Haha! _See_?"

"Da, da, I see. Very good." Ivan looked bored now that Alfred was free. It was quite upsetting, he was hoping for a fight.

"Well? Aren't you going to, you know, _attack_ me viciously?"

Ivan let out a gasp. "What kind of _country_ do you think I am? Attack viciously! Ha! You know, you should read up on vhat other's are like. You know, my people call me the 'Motherland'. Do you know vhy?"

"Because you fight like a _girl_? Or is it because you're so fat, you have _boobs_?"

Ivan frowned. "Do not! I'm just big boned!"

"Hey. At least I know the different from _fat_ and _bone_… Fatty." This made the Russian lose it. His twisted in a scowl as Alfred jumped into a fighting position, fists at the ready. "Bring it!"

Ivan lunged forward and punched him square in the face before America could even land a punch or even block.

"I'M NOT FAT!"

Alfred fell to the ground shocked that he was actually hit. Him! The world's best and only hero! Knocked down in a single hit by some fat guy who refers himself as the "Motherland."

Ivan was seething. He just glared down at Alfred, resisting all urges to un-leash all his pent up anger from over the centuries. Tony managed to lift his head enough to watch the hit.

"Fuck…" He muttered in equal shock to Alfred.

"I. Am not. Fat." Ivan growled through his teeth, chanting 'kol' at his victim.

"Alright, alright dude. You do _not_ have boobs… but you're getting there!" Alfred jumps over the examination table laughing as Ivan sprinted after him. As if a table with an alien on it put him at an un-touchable distance. Ivan only growled various obscenities directed to the American. "I will stop teasing you if you give me information."

"Niet." Ivan hissed gripping his water-pipe.

"Just a little tidbit of information. You know, about secret Soviet bases and plans on world conquest?"

"FINE! I vill give you a bit of information, but it's not secret, however I do _doubt_ you even noticed it."

"I know everything."

"Do you know I have allies in close places?"

"Close to who?"

"You."

'_Me? Who's close to me that's a Communist? Arthur? Naah, he's just weird. No one _that_ weird is a bad guy. Who could it be? Matty?'_

"I should have known you didn't know, vho." Ivan grinned, his anger residing, or was he hiding it?

"I know who! But tell me anyways to humour yourself." Alfred laughed confidently.

"He's very close to you." Ivan grinned.

'_Close to Florida too. Of course I vouldn't say that aloud. That vould be like talking about the Kamchatka. It just isn't done.'_

"It _is_ Matty! I knew it was suspicious how no one notices him. Sneaky little bro…"

"Vhat? No! Not Williams. He lives just south of you."

"Mexico?"

"NIET!" Ivan sighed exhausted.

'_He just doesn't get it. I don't blame him, his vorld maps only include his land and no one else. Note to self, get a good sized map of him. Vait, now's not the time. Later… maybe.'_

"Come on! Tell me or I call you the 'F' word again!" Alfred teased with a grin.

"Cuba."

"Cuba? Where's he?"

"South."

"In Mexico?" Alfred tilted his head.

"Niet! Though he does speak a dialect of Spanish, he is _not_ in Mexico. He is a Communist like me."

"How close?"

"You can svim there."

"WHAT? HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME THIS?" Alfred gasped in shock, upset that no one told him how close another Communist country was. Especially how anti-Red he is.

'_Because you never look at a map and they don't have the patience to explain it to you?'_

"Shocking isn't it." Ivan chuckled. "You look so cute vhen you're clueless, da."

"How could they—wait what did you say?" Alfred blushed slightly and stared at him. The Russian's face coloured and lowered his water-pipe.

'_Ebat'! That vas supposed to be a thought, not spoken!__I knew I shouldn't be thinking of getting maps….'_

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><p><strong>AN: **A little explanation on Kamchatka. If you look at a map of Russia, in the far eastern part of Siberia is Kamchatka Krai. Kamchatka looks very similar to Florida. In fact, it is almost three times the size of Florida. Since the joke is that Florida is America's penis, that makes Kamchatka Russia's. Isn't that a scary thought? As for the maps, it's nearly self explanitory. You can get a full measurement of their "geographical ranges." You can see all on maps. So I guess this makes Google Earth the best country porn site for them. It's just a large orgy.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Alfred stared at the Russian shocked. There was a long awkward silence between them, even Tony was out of 'fucks.'

'_Did he just say I look… cute? … Is he a homo? I think he's a homo! Aww… he's attracted to my Hero charms. But… that's not right! He's still the bad guy, that dirty Commie.'_

"Did you just say I was cute?" Alfred asked shyly.

"No." Ivan snapped.

"He so fucking did." Tony piped up after his silence.

"Shut up!" The Russian hissed, blushing.

A wide grin grew on Alfred's face. "Duuuuude, you're a homo! I _knew_ homos were evil!"

"Vhat? No! Ve are- I mean, _they_ aren't evil. You vant evil, go see my sister Natasha and tell her you invaded my borders. That vill show you evil."

"No dude. Chicks can't be evil. Their girls!"

"Not my little sister. She scares the shit out of me. I have my own bunker to hide in vhenever she is in the country."

"Dude, you're a total wuss!" Alfred burst out laughing.

'_I can't believe that he's scared of his little sister! No one is scared of their little sister! Their younger! And girls!'_

"You don't know her, Jones. She is pure evil."

"Obviously you don't understand the system of society, Commie." Alfred straightened up his posture and pointed for emphasis. "You see… I am the good guy because I'm the Hero. You're a Communist, therefore the bad guy. Girls, they are victims. They get kidnapped and saved by the hero! That's me, you see. And when you save the girl, she's yours. No wonder you're gay, you're scared of them!"

"I'm not scared of girls, just _that_ one." Ivan looked thoughtful for a moment. "I bet you never seen a girl naked before."

"Of course I have!" Alfred let out a nervous laugh.

'_Why is he asking this? Is he saying it's something gross that will make me gay? I don't want to be a homo! That… That's not what a Hero is! He's a man! Not a…a sissy _boy_'_

"Have _you_?" Alfred nervously asked. The Russian just gave him a serious look.

"I vas raised around two girls; my big sister coddles me, my younger sister stalks and tries to molest me. I have been flashed by my younger sister and seen my older sister's shirt burst open because of her huge knockers. I have seen and dealt vith vomen enough to know that I don't like them, but they do make good points in an argument….except for my older sister, Katya. She just cries about her sucking and leaves. Sometimes she makes me vonder."

"Alright dude, you were babied and… traumatised or something by women, so you became a homo."

"I didn't become a homo." Ivan looked offended. Genuinely offended, on the verge of tears offended. He looked pretty pitiful. How could _anyone_ see him as a villain now?

'_Aww, don't make that face. You lose all your evil hype…damn it, I think I hurt his feelings. I didn't even _know _Communists had feelings. I feel gypped by this rescue.'_

"What? Are you saying you just _are_ a homo?" Alfred asked, trying his best maturity voice.

Ivan let out a small nod. "So I vould like it if you forgot about all of this. Or else."

"Or else, what?" Alfred raised an eyebrow.

"This building has a self-destruct button, activated as soon as pressed to prevent _any _and _all _information from getting out."

"You're bluffing." Alfred laughed nervously.

"You're talking to a guy vho plays Russian Roulette vith two bullets. You don't know me like you think you do."

'_Of course there is no self-destruct button. But he does seem scared to not make a move now. Vhy did I have a verbal slip? This is just going to make things difficult. Damn it… I vant to go home even more now… I need vodka…' _Ivan thought to himself.

"Dude… You're fucking nuts…" Alfred gave him a worried look.

"Fuckin' nuts." Tony agreed.

"You're not _really_ going to blow us all up, are you?"

'_Of course not. Vhy vould I do that? I vill be leaving my people alone. I can't do that to them. They are like my children.'_

"Dude… you're actually thinking about it!" Alfred stepped back. "You're twisted!"

"Niet. I'm not going to blow it up. Now leave me alone." Ivan turned around and goes to leave them there. "Woo, you saved the day. No go home."

"Dude! Obviously you don't watch a lot of movies! You're supposed to keep threatening to blow the place up, we have a dramatic showdown and I save the day. You're still alive to come up some other evil scheme for me to stop again." Alfred ran around the table after him.

Ivan turns around and holds out his water-pipe in front of him to keep Alfred at a distance. "No, you go. Out of my vay. Leave me alone. This is not a movie, Jones."

Alfred frowned, grabbed the water-pipe and tossed it on the other side of the room into one of the computer monitors.

"My life _is_ a movie!" He puts his fists up. "We are having this fight! I will _not_ leave until I beat you! You're not getting away for this!"

Ivan sighed and swung a punch at him, this time missing. Alfred threw a punch to the Russian's face. His punch was caught and his arm was twisted behind his back.

"You don't vant to mess vith me, _boy_. I am over 3 times your age."

"I am not a boy… I'm.. the HERO!" Alfred breaks free of his grasp and tackles Russia throwing punches at him. Half of them missed, the others made contact, but so did some of Ivan's. "Hero's are MEN!"

Ivan kicked him off into the stand with the medical tools, a loud metalic cluttering noise filled the room. Alfred quickly got back to his feet and was met with a punch to the face. There was a loud crack and the sound of glass falling to the floor.

"Holy fuck dude." Tony said. There was a long silence as they all stood there in silence before what had happened finally sank in.

"T-TEXAS!" Alfred cried out in near tears of shock and hurt, like a child who had the head of their favourite teddy bear ripped off.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5

The two of them stared silently at the broken lens on the ground. Alfred teared up and removed his glasses. The left lens was missing and the right cracked. He sniffled and stared at the lens, his eyes blurry with tears.

"Y-you broke Texas!"

"So I did… Didn't I varn you?" Ivan spoke stepping back.

Alfred dropped down on his knees and felt around for the broken lens, trying to fit it in its frame. "But this is dirty!" He whined when the glass fell out again. "You don't go breaking a man's glasses! It's just not fair!" He sat on the floor desperately trying to fix his glasses.

"Look… You vanted a fight…"

"I didn't want to lose Texas!" Alfred shouted before holding them up for emphasis. "You broke it!"

"Get it fixed then."

"I can't!" Alfred hit the frame with the glass for emphasis crying. "You fix it!"

"You von't like how I fix things."

"I don't care! I WANT TEXAS BACK!"

Ivan grabbed the glasses and put it on a table and grabbed all the glass. Alfred stood beside him as he watched the Russian put all the pieces in the right spot.

"This… Is how ve fix things in my country…" Ivan raised his fist and slammed it into the lens. Alfred let out a squeak of horror as he kept beating his already broken glasses. "Get. In. The. FRAME!"

"You're hurting Texas! Stop it, you.. you COMMIE BASTARD!" Alfred shoved Ivan away from the glasses and picked them up. Ivan just grinned at him as he stared dumfounded at them. The lenses were still cracked, and obviously broken, but the lens was in place. It looked as if the lens only cracked rather than shattered. "How did you do that?"

"If it doesn't vork or is broken, beat it until it does, da."

"That… that's brutal... but… it works… I guess…" Alfred put his glasses backed on and made a face. "Well, better than nothing. I'd better take it to a professional to get it fixed—"

"And I'm _not_? I just put it back together vith my bare hands, no problem. They use tools and take days, maybe veeks, months even! Then they tell you to buy new glasses, like you have the money for that."

"I _do_ have money for that. And it just takes a few days. God! Your country sucks!"

"Hey! I vorked hard to get to vhere I am! I have more problems than you. I have a lot more to deal vith, like people complaining about how long it takes to get car." Ivan huffed. "Like they need car anyvays, valking in snow may take longer but you stay in shape, da."

"Dude, I hate the snow. It's so damn cold. I like the summer cus I have _beaches_." Alfred spoke rather proudly, puffing out his chest slightly as if he was the reason there were beaches.

"Ve have beaches too."

"Yeah, beaches of _snow_. Dude, that just sucks… No wonder you're a bad guy!" Alfred walked over and nonchalantly un-strapped Tony. "Maybe Communists don't suck because they are bad guys." Ivan smiled. "They become Communists because their life sucks and they're stuck in snow all the time."

"That's not vhy ve—"

"I mean, dude, if I had to live in the cold all the time, I don't know what I would do. I bet I would be pretty desperate too!" Alfred patted Ivan's back. "But you know, there are better things than this…"

"Like vhat?"

"Like _Democracy_. Freedom! Hey! I just got an idea!" Alfred jumped up with a large goofy grin on his face, hands up in enthusiastic fists. "Why don't you become democratic and stop all this Communist stuff and be a good guy! And I will be there to show you how a _real_ country is run!"

Ivan choked on a laugh and shook his head. "I doubt that you can make it varm enough to grow sunflowers in my country."

"Who knows? I'm the Hero! Hero's can do the most impossible things for the sake of justice! Especially to save them against cold oppression, like a Communist regime! But with snow!"

'_I vonder vhere he gets all of his energy. Or even if it's some kind of disease vhere he has to be hyper and enthusiastic about anything. Or is it just an American thing? Eithervay, it's kinda funny to see how he gets excited every now and then… as creepy as it is after vanting to get in a fight vith me. Maybe I'll just let him go. No fight. Let him live. I doubt he'll go around telling lies about how "cool" he is or something like that…'_

"Dude! You're seriously considering it! SWEET! I'm awesome!" Alfred cheered with a fist pump into the air.

"No I'm not, but I'm vondering if you are suddenly excited and caring about me because I put the lens back in your glasses after I shattered it. It's quite flattering, da. But I have to turn down your offer of _democracy_. I vant to make this system vork. It's still new, you know."

"Oh," Alfred looked sad. "I get it… no no, it's alright dude. You go do your thing I guess… I just thought that it would be totally cool if we were on the same side or something. You know, like go kick the German's ass again."

"They aren't doing anything vrong…"

"You sure? Because the last two wars—"

Ivan held up a hand to keep him quiet and picked up his pipe. "It vas nice chatting now. Go home, it gets cold at night. You don't look like you have a varm enough coat and I don't vant to give you mine."

"Oh yeah dude. Thanks for that. I'd hate to get stuck in the cold out here and have to rely on wearing filthy Communist clothes made by slave children."

"Vhat?"

"Just kidding dude! Anyways, maybe you aren't that fat." Alfred said with a smile. "You're coat is just really big and make you look like you are."

Ivan stared at him not knowing if it was a compliment or not. "Vell, that vas nice of you. I get to keep your alien ship though. It's now property of my government."

"The fuck?" Tony interjected.

"Oh don't worry! We have plenty more where that came from down in Nevada." Alfred laughed with a smile. "Before I go, I wanna see how big you are. You know, if you're fat, skinny or all muscle like me." Alfred flexed his arm with a wide grin.

"Uh, no thanks. I'd rather stay in my own clothes."

"Come on dude! It'll just take a second!" Alfred ran over and struggled with the Russian to open his coat. "See? You're not fa—oh wait, you are. My bad dude!"

"GET OUT!" Ivan growled and pushed the laughing American away by his face.

"Alright, alright! I was just joking dude!" Alfred lied in a giggle fit. "Geez, you get so upset about being called fat! It's just too funny!"

Ivan just stared at him un-amused as the two left his base. He sat down in a chair and sighed.

'_Vhy didn't I just kill him? I vould have von this little game of his. Then I could take Alaska back along vith all his land. Then I vill be a force to be reckoned vith. If he comes back here for another fight, I vill kill him then… but it vas nice for him to offer to change the veather… I vonder if I can come up vith a machine to change my veather. Then I vill be surrounded by sunflowers and I vill be so happy.'_

Ivan leaned back in the chair with a smile painted across his face trying to imagine living in a warm place surrounded by sunflowers. He bet there will be no war if Russia was like that and his people would be much happier, after all, if he's happy, isn't his people happy?


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6

Ivan smiled happily to himself thinking of sunflowers. Even if he didn't get home until the next day, he would feel fine if no one interrupted him at this moment. . .and then there was a screeching noise before a voice broke the silence.

"DUDE! I so forgot I am out of fuel in my plane! Think I can borrow one of your shitty ones?" Alfred chimed as he ran back into the room.

"Niet. I doubt you're right that you vould vant to be seen in a _Communist_ plane back in your own country."

"Well, duh! That's why I was going to jump out with a parachute and crash it in the ocean!" Alfred received a glare. "I was just kidding, dude! Look, think you can get me some fuel? I kinda need it if you want me out of your base."

"Only if you promise not to tell anyone that you came here, or return. I don't vant to explain this to my boss."

"Oh no problem, dude. I don't my boss thinking I'm queer for you or nothing." Alfred let out a laugh, but cut it short when he saw the look Ivan gave him. "Look, I'm sorry you're a homo, but I'm _not_."

"How do you know? You vere raised by Kirkland and your brother by Francis. I know your brother is gay already."

"What? Matty? A homo?" Alfred laughs. "Silly Canadians! I doubt he is. He's quiet and all but that doesn't make him a sissy! Well… it kinda does, but that's not the point!"

"You missed my point entirely. I know _everything_. I know vhere everyone is at all times. I make it my business to know. It never hurts to know, da."

"Are you calling me a homo?"

"I'm just saying, you're on the fence." Ivan stood up. "Let's go get your fuel."

Ivan strolled past the confused American and headed back up to the surface. He wasn't going to deal with him and his idiocy. Why did it seem that Americans were so against everything when they were founded on accepting everyone? Ivan couldn't help but to let out a small laugh at the irony of it. He doesn't blame Alfred, he's still a young country. He'll figure it all out… eventually.

"Dude, wait up! For a big guy, you sure walk fast!" Alfred called after as he trotted up to him. "So are you saying I'm a homo? Because I thought I explained it to you that heros aren't homos. They are men."

"And I made you cry, that doesn't make you any less of a man? I thought that _real_ men don't cry."

'_What does he mean? Oh shit, I did cry. Well that was un-cool of me. I wouldn't have cried if he didn't hit me in the face and broke Texas, the bastard. I'm the hero! And I'm a man! Not a boy… but… like he said, men don't cry, and I cried so that doesn't make me a man so that means that if I'm not a man, it means I'm a boy and it makes me a…. A SIDEKICK?'_

"NOOO! I didn't cry! My eyes just watered because you punched them and I think I got glass in it! Ow ow! There's glass in my eye!" Alfred quickly spoke, hurt and trying to defend himself. "I'm still a hero, man! You can't change that!"

Ivan turned his head to the side and raised an eyebrow but didn't offer an answer. They continued to walk to the plane Alfred had landed. Alfred felt proud that compared to the condition of most of the planes on the ground there were poor and his was new and virtually un-touched. Of course, he just assumed that's the quality of their planes when they are good and new. Just call it that American superiority.

"You vait here and I vill bring it over." Ivan turned and walked away.

Alfred let out a sigh. _'Why did he just lead me to my own plane and not where he has the fuel?'_ "Oh yeah! He probably doesn't want me to know where it is! Hahaha! Makes my future escapes from here even harder!"

Tony shook his head and climbed up into the plane as Alfred waited outside.

'_It's been about ten minutes now…'_ Alfred thought as he looked at his watch. _'What's taking that Commie so long? How hard is it to bring a bunch of fuel?'_

Half an hour slowly passed while Alfred occupied himself by re-painting the face on his plane. It was taking Ivan so long that he felt as if he just left him. And that only brought back the memories of when Arthur left him when he was small and he grew up on his own. He doesn't want to be with a lack of friends. Hero's always have a friend or someone to see, and he absolutely _refuses_ to admit that that friend was Arthur. That's like saying you're only friend is your parent. That's just not cool.

Ivan carried over the fuel in a can over his shoulder and a smaller one under his arm. Alfred was on the nose of his plane painting the eyes on. He never understood what compelled him to draw on his plane. Did he forget which one was his and had to paint it to know which one was his? Ivan wouldn't put it past him.

He set down the cans and looked up at Alfred. Before he could say anything, the American noticed him.

"Dude! What took you so long! I thought you left me here to freeze!" Alfred slid down and was caught by Ivan.

"You'll hurt yourself like that. Do you vant to be able to get back in your own plane?" Ivan criticised frowning, blushing only slightly.

'_Vhy is he so excited anyvays? I vas only gone for about 45 minutes. That's not that long. Ve still have an hour of sunlight left. And it's not even that cold! The baby.'_

"Yeah, but I just got excited…" Alfred hesitated. "T-to be leaving this damn Communist country!" He quickly added blushing. "Put me down, I'm the Hero, I'm supposed to be carrying someone, not the other way around!"

"Are you saying you vant to carry me?" Ivan laughed, putting him back down.

"No! Well… I'm sure I can and get some good muscle from that, but no! I don't … you'll infect me with your… Commie cooties." Alfred shivered and brushed himself off as if to get the germs off. Ivan suddenly leaned close behind him, his face next to his. "W-what are you doing?"

"Your face is wobbly." Ivan pointed out, gesturing to the plane.

"It is?" Alfred took off his glasses and squinted. "Holy hell, it is. Damn it! It's all your fault! You broke my glasses!" He spun around to yell at him face-to-face and accidentally met his lips. Immediately he jumped back blushing. "Y-you homo! Trying to molest me because you can't resist my good looks and charm!"

Ivan laughed and shook his head. "Correction." He spoke, holding a finger in the air. "I just stood there and _you_ vere the one that _kissed_ me. I had nothing to do vith it. Perhaps it's you vho is having difficulty resisting _my_ charms, da? I am quite adorable." Ivan smiled innocently and put his hands behind him, tilting his head like a child.

"Dude! No I'm not! Ewww! I got Commie germs! Blegh!" Alfred rubbed his lips with his glove. "Gross, gross, gross. I bet Communism is like an STD or something! Now I'm going to get it. EW. I'm gunna have to burn my clothes and wash myself in bleach!"

Ivan just laughed shaking his head and went on to filling up the tank on the American aircraft, craftily placing a small tracking device on the hull. Alfred continued to whine and complain that Communists were "sneaky little fuckers," to which Tony would agree from inside the cockpit. By the time he finished filling it up with just enough fuel to get him to the nearest American base, the place was un-naturally quiet, at least when Alfred is around.

"Hey, dude… thanks…" Alfred sounded sincere, something that Ivan will never admit actually creeps him out.

"No problem?" Ivan spoke un-assuredly. "It is to just to get out off of my base you know…"

"I know but… You didn't have to help me… Maybe you're not as bad as everyone says you are."

"Oh, I'm sure that I am." Ivan half joked.

Alfred gave Ivan his best impression of puppy eyes, that failed because you could barely see his left eye through the cracked lens and the right one looked like there was two.

'_Aww… he looks so pitiful vith broken glasses…'_

"Vhat are you vanting?"

"Can you… please help me paint my plane again? I can't go back with it looking like that…"


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7

"Pleeeease~~" Alfred continued to pout and stare up at Ivan with the puppy eyes. "I can't see too well without my glasses, and you broke them so it's even _harder_ to see!"

Ivan let out a sigh and put a hand on his shoulder. "Alright, I vill help you. I don't see how you can go back vith your glasses like that and not have anyone ask you about vhat happened to them, though."

"I can just say I got in a fight and my glasses broke. I'm still upset about that though. It's not cool, dude."

Ivan rolled his eyes and walked to the front of the plane and looked up at the face. It was crooked and the eyes looked like an ameba, or a small child tried to draw a circle. The toothy grin had some of the teeth meeting each other at the tip and some had a large gap between them.

'_It looks like it's going to cry…. Vell, if I looked like that, I vould cry too.'_

"Thanks dude!" Alfred cheered as he handed Ivan the paint he had brought. "You gotta clean it all up before you start repainting it. It could take _all_ night."

Ivan shot Alfred an irked look before leaving and coming back with something to clean off his horrible paint job. Normally, he probably would have put up a fight against extra work, but if he had learned anything in the past couple decades is that hard work is what you have to do and if you don't do it, bad things will happen to you. Of course, most of the bad things was even _harder_ work.

It took Ivan a couple hours to scrub off the paint to the liking of the picky American before painting it. By the time he got the plane finished, the sun had set and the night chill came in. Alfred had fallen asleep using his jacket as a pillow, leaning against the empty fuel can. He shivered in his sleep and curled up to stay warm.

'_Aww, you're not used to the cold, are you little American? Of course not, you'll probably catch cold because you fell asleep out here rather than inside your plane vhere you're hot head vill probably keep you varm. Vell, can't let him freeze or get sick, I vill hear about it and knowing him, he vould probably pull some stunt and blame me for it. The last thing I need him to do is take it out on innocent people vho aren't even Communist.'_

* * *

><p>Alfred woke up warm under a blanket. Was it a blanket? No, those are sleeves. He sat up and rubbed his eyes under his glasses and looked down at what was covering him. It took him a while to realize what it was without seeing its owner inside it. It was very warm, but as a hero, he doesn't <em>need<em> someone's coat, especially a _Communist's_! He tossed it off immediately and leapt to his feet.

The cold breeze kicked up and nearly froze him on the spot. Forgetting his sense of hero pride, he grabbed the coat and wrapped himself up in it. He picked up his jacket and frowned at how cold it was, except for the spot his head was resting.

'_Where did he go? He's not here…' _Alfred thought as he looked around. _'But he left me his coat… maybe he just went inside… AND LEFT ME ALONE IN THE COLD? How _dare_ he leave me in the cold and go into a nice warm building. Asshole.'_

"You're avake…"

"YOU DICK! YOU LEFT ME OUT IN THE COLD! YOU—what's that?" Alfred pointed to the two steaming cups.

"I decided to get out something varm to drink for you. Sorry it took me avhile to see if ve have coffee…"

"Oh… thanks." Alfred took the cup he was handed and took a sip after he sniffed it. Immediately he made a face that worried Ivan. "Ugh! This tastes like what horse shit smells like!"

"I'm sorry, I've never made it before. I tried."

Alfred smiled. "Well, I know how to tell a Commie from normal people. Their coffee sucks!" He let out a laugh before taking another sip to be nice. After all, he just had someone he came to kick their ass and had them refuel and paint his aircraft. That was un-communistic of him.

"You really don't have to drink that. I von't be offended if you dumped it out."

"Well, what cha got there?"

"Tea…"

"Ugh…"

"Spiked vith vodka. I found some…"

Alfred tossed the coffee out of the cup and poured half of Ivan's drink into his. "Thanks, dude!"

"I… I didn't say you could go and drink mine… but ok, greedy."

"Hmm? I'm not greedy. Hey, it's cold out here, man. Can we go inside?" Alfred asked, arms close and holding the warm cup tightly. Ivan was wearing a long sleeve turtleneck, but it didn't look too thick. He looked cold without his jacket. "I mean, you're not wearing your coat…"

"It's ok," Ivan laughed. "I'm used to this cold, da. It's nothing compared to the vinter. You should be going soon. I just checked to see if they vere still vaiting for your return. You shouldn't keep them vaiting, you know. It's rude."

Alfred scoffed and downed the rest of the drink and made a face again. He handed the cup back. "Thanks… maybe you're not so bad, when you feel like being nice. Can I keep the jacket? At least until mine heats up? It's cold…"

"I vould vant it back soon…" Ivan raised his eyebrow. "It is my _only_ coat… It vill feel quite lonely vithout it, but I suppose you can keep it, if you pay me."

"I thought you didn't care about money! That it was some kind of _Capitalist_ thing…"

"It is, but I'm not talking about money." Ivan steps closer and leans in to whisper in his ear. "I just vant to show you how I am. You know, vhat it's like as a homo? You really shouldn't judge everyone because you don't know about them. If you got to know one properly, maybe you vouldn't be so against them… Same goes for Communists, but that's just asking too much from you."

'_He wants me to be a homo? Gross… First Commie cooties and now homo germs? Is he trying to make me, what is it called… patient zero or something? No way in hell I'm going to do that, dude… but… this coat _is_ very warm… How bad can it be? A kiss? I can always brush my teeth afterwards…"_

"Ok! Nothing too bad dude!" Alfred smiled. "I mean, how bad can it be, right? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! And I need to be stronger to be the _best_ hero there is and ever will be!

* * *

><p>'<em>Did he seriously just say yes?'<em>

"Are you sure you vant to? You don't know vhat I'm going to ask for yet…"

"No dude, sure, who cares. Not like anyone has to know about this right?" Alfred laughs nervously. "I mean… It's not like something you would go around telling people. No one just goes around and say, 'Hey! Look at me! I'm a homo!', right?"

"N-niet…"

'_He seriously said yes… I… I don't know if I should be scared, happy, or shocked! Vell, he said yes. I vas kinda hoping for him to just say no so I can have my coat back… Oh vell, I'm never going to get another chance to do this again… Maybe I should just let him go and get my coat later.'_

"So what do I have to do, dude? Clean up the mess around here? Tell you how to make real food and not suck at coffee?"

'_A visit to Florida maybe?'_

"Read the Communist Manifesto aloud to me."

"WHAAAAAT? Hell no, dude. I'm not a Commie!"

"You vant to keep the jacket for a little vhile, or freeze?"

"…Yes…" Alfred answered weakly hanging his head, hugging his own jacket.

"Then you vill have to read it all the vay through… vithout getting distracted." Ivan grins.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Many appologies for not posting. I have had a lot happen in such a short time and with how my work schedule is, if I'm not at work, I'm sleeping. Eitherway I have a few things to say to any readers of my other works:

'My Comrade the Nazi' will be updated extremely slowly (slower than my Communist Manifesto is taking in the mail. . .) because my historical books which I have highlighted and noted important/interesting things myself have been and still are 2,000+ miles from me. The importance of this is they were essecially my plot notes for the story and I want to as historically accurate as possible.

'The Love of Two Brothers' will have a single chapter left that is currently underway, but with my schedule who knows when this'll come out. Also, I have to sadly admit here that I have not watched the show in over a year and am completely lost. It was written and supposed to finish before Shippuden came out and quite honestly, I was only able to catch up to about episode 283. So if the last chapter is horribly messed up with the actual plotline, I have no idea what has happened since besides a bunch of character deaths so please forgive me! A

Lastly, I am currently working on another story (a sequal) and about to start one for Invader Zim. Dear God I know I am killing you all with the crappy update times and multiple stories, but since I'm going to be back in school in a few weeks and moving it'll be hell on all of us. More on me because my job is the graveyard shift and I'll have class all day. . .so. . .when you get lots of updates (if at all possible) you may not get any more for quite awhile. . . fair warning to what's to come and a painful reminder, this story is already completed and it's just up to me to remember to update instead of wasting time reading different stories.

If you want any details on anything or interesting about WHY I have been gone for so long so many times. . .PM me and I'll tell you why and hopefully gain some forgiveness from you my poor neglected readers. I am so terribly sorry, I'll try to be better at updating! Promise!


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8

Ivan led Alfred through the base to a secluded room. It was a bit bare and looked like a break room. There were worn, almost fragile looking chairs around a table, a deck of cards still spread about as if someone was playing poker just moments ago. The smell of cigarettes in the air mixed with what smelt like someone's lunch that had too much vinegar in it.

Ivan pulled out one of the chairs and placed it in the middle of the room and rearranged the place so that the table was against the wall, the chairs out of the way except for the one in the middle of the room. He disappeared and set up a light on the chair so now it resembled an interrogation room. Alfred's hands began to sweat as he nervously adjusted his gloves.

"So! I like, sit in that chair right?" Alfred asked nervously looking around.

"Da," was the cold answer as he was guided to the chair by a hand on his hip.

"Okay? So…" He was cut off by a raised hand.

Ivan looked around for a moment and left. Alfred trying to keep himself comfortable began to drum on his legs and whistle his national anthem.

'_I hope Tony is doing fine… or doesn't take my plane! I don't want to end up having to hitch a ride home with that Commie. That would so suck and__ be un-cool! Hero's don't get rides from their enemies!'_

Alfred stopped whistling when he heard someone behind him outside the room. He wanted to turn around and see who it was, but then it would seem like he was eavesdropping since there were now two voices. He listened hard to make out the words, attempting and failing in his attempt to continue to whistle.

'_Damn it! They are speaking in Russian… Well, that girly voice is _obviously _Ivan, so that other voice must be another Soviet soldier… What is he planning? Is this a distraction? IS HE GUNNA NUKE US? He better not think of doing that, I'm just a message away from un-leashing our own!... What _are_ they talking about anyway? It sounds important enough to be kept secret… hmm… oh! Maybe I can get their attention and let them know I'm here and listening even though I don't know what they are saying! Yeah! That will totally scare them into thinking we know their plans! HAHAHA! I'm so smart!'_

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry, Comrade. But I keep telling you, there is no vay ve can do that vith our rations. Ve don't even have enough money to get that on a monthly basis—"<p>

"Listen," Ivan spoke slightly annoyed. "I need you to do anything. Like any government, you flash enough cash and you get vhat you vant. You can bribe other easily to increase your portion to make up for this!"

The other officer fidgeted and looked at the ground as if trying to decide. "I don't even have the money to bribe them…"

Ivan reached into his pockets and pulled out a large wad of roubles. "Take this Comrade, this should be more than enough."

"How did you—"

"I have been in this country and harder times before. I know how to hide money. Now go do as I told you!" There was a loud cough in the room behind him where he had left his American prisoner. "I vant you to go make vhat I vant and come back, but before you bring it in, I need to make sure you got it right. It has to be perfect, da!"

* * *

><p>"Whoa! That was quite a cough… Hope I'm not coming down with anything~" Alfred spoke loudly on purpose before listening. There was silence before the voices took up their conversation again. He thought he caught the word 'America' but wasn't too sure about it. He doesn't know a lick of Russian and now it's really annoying him that he doesn't. "Geez, what's taking him so long? I could just leave if he doesn't get here~"<p>

"No need to. I needed to… arrange… a few things to make sure that ve are alone, da." Ivan stepped in front of Alfred before removing his hand from his glove and putting it on his head. Alfred pulled back at how cold his hand was even while it was gloved. "You're not hot, don't lie."

"Well… you took too long."

"I vas only gone 10 minutes. I had to find my book, da." Ivan handed Alfred the literature he was supposed to be reciting. It was a rather worn book and a bit thin. It didn't even look like it was 50 pages! Alfred could easily read that and get it over with. A good thing it wasn't a long document.

"Hey! What are you trying to pull, dude? I can't read Communist!" Alfred hissed poking the cover's Russian print accusingly. "You can't _really_ expect me to read _this_."

Ivan looked at it and smiled. "I suppose I can't. You're too stubborn to learn another language, da. I hope some day you vill have to require to learn another language to get around in your country." He put it on the table and came back with a stack of clipped hand written papers. "So I brought this."

Alfred removed his glasses and handed them to Russian as he flipped through it quickly. The hand writing was a bit small and neat and quite precise. It almost looked like someone had stamps because every letter was written the same. It was almost too perfect, yet somehow it was a bit girly. Some words were spelled wrong though he didn't know if it was intentional or not, but either way it was in English and he wasn't going to argue for a different copy.

"Dude, did a fucking girl write this?" Alfred laughed, but cut short when he saw Ivan's face.

"No, I wrote it." Ivan looked upset like he was going to cry. "I vas practicing my English."

"No way, dude! This handwriting looks like a girls! You should see mine!" Alfred laughed. "Arthur always complained he couldn't read it. Glad I wasn't the one who wrote the Declaration or else he wouldn't have known what we wanted!"

Ivan just stared at him.

"Oh alright, I will read it you big Communist baby. Sheesh. Alright, uh… really, this handwriting is also neat. Could you try writing a little bigger? I'm glad I'm only farsighted and not nearsighted, or else I couldn't read this! Hahahaaaa~" Alfred laughed and looked down at the papers.

"I vill remember that next time." Ivan put the glasses on the table and walked over. "Now read."

"Alright uh.. oh yeah! The Manifesto of the Communist Party!" He spoke aloud as if he was announcing the name of some sports team. "Really, dude… you should just call it the Communist Manifesto. So much shorter—"

"READ! You keep stalling like this, you vill have to read it all over again and keep doing that until you finish it all the vay through. And no skipping sentences, I have it memorised, da."

"Yikes… Alright, let's see. 'A spectre is haunting Europe — the spectre of communism.'" _'Damn right, Communism is just creepy…' _"'All the powers of old Europe have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spectre: Pope and Tsar, Metternich and Guizot, French Radicals and German police-spies.'"

Ivan stood and looked over his head as he continued to read, reading along with him. After all, wouldn't you if someone read your favourite book? Either way, it was creeping Alfred out to have the tall Russian loom over him.

"' In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebeians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals, guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these classes, again, subordinate… uh… gradations.' …" Alfred raised his hand and cleared his throat. "Um.. dude… just pointing this out… you spelled, what was it," he pointed to the word, "Gradations, as _graduations_. Just pointing it out."

Ivan leaned closer. "Huh, so I did. Thanks for pointing it out. I vasn't so sure about the spelling… Thanks. Now continue reading…"

"Do I have to start over?"

"Niet, you can only correct me on my spelling. After all, this is a great vay for us _both_ to learn."

'_Aww man, I hate learning… Well, at least I get to teach a Communist and show him that he sucks at English. Hahaha, maybe then he'll think that Capitalism is good, cus after all, you have money to travel. I doubt he gets to leave here unless it's for a war or meeting.'_


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9

Ivan listened to Alfred read, occasionally pacing around him to make him nervous. Alfred had a lot to correct him on his spelling. He never knew he was that bad of a speller. Though, he was sure that he spelled 'labour' right, but Alfred insisted that it was spelled 'l-a-b-o-r'.

"They are dislodged by new industries," Alfred let out a yawn, "whose introduction becomes a life and death question for all civilised nations, by industries that no longer work up indigenous raw material, but raw material drawn from the remotest zones; industries whose products are consumed, not only at home, but in every quarter of the globe." Alfred rubbed his eyes getting drowsy.

'_He's tired already and he's not even half vay through… maybe it's just too much information for him? I better find a vay to vake him up…' _

Ivan looked him up and down and a certain strand of hair caught his attention. He grinned as Alfred continued to read.

* * *

><p>"In place of the old wants, satisfied by the production of the country, we find new wants, requiring for their satisfaction the products of distant lands and climes." Another yawn making the last few words sound like random noises rather than words.<p>

"Read more clearly and sit up." Ivan whispered in his voice. Immediately Alfred sat up straighter and continued to read with a nod.

"In place of the old local and national seclusion and self-sufficiency, we have i-ntercourse..!" Alfred blushed and stuttered when he felt a slow stroke on Nantucket. He turned to look at Ivan who was looking way, hands at his side.

"Vhy did you stop reading?" Ivan asked turning his attention back at him.

"I-I lost my place." He lied. Ivan just waved at him to continue. "..i-in every direction, universal inter-dependence of n-n-NATIONS!" He cried out, knowing for sure that something gave Nantucket a tug. He spun around and only got a confused look.

'_Okay, I totally felt someone pulling on Nantucket!'_

"Vhat's vrong?" Ivan asked tilting his head. "That last part sounded a little… enthusiastic."

'_Enthusiastic my American ass! Someone was touching Nantucket!'_

"I.. I uhh…"

'_Crap, I don't have anything__ to say!'_

"Sorry…" He shifted in his seat and continued to read. "Where was I..? Oh yeah.. 'And as in material, so also in intellectual production. The… intellectual creations of individual nations become c-common prooooperty~" There is was again, a slow long stroke on Nantucket. He reached his hand back to catch who it was but caught nothing but his own hair and gasped when he grabbed Nantucket himself.

"Are you vanting something?" Ivan was grinning this time when Alfred looked back at him.

"N-no…" Frustrated, Alfred went back to reading.

* * *

><p>Ivan struggled to stifle his giggles as Alfred began so slowly continue reading. He stopped after every other word and looked back at him. Each time he did, Ivan pretended he wasn't paying him attention or was curious why he was stopping, but of course he knew why he was.<p>

'_You finally caught on that I vas touching your precious Nantucket, da? I can vait before doing it again, but I'm going to let you catch me…'_

Ivan reached over and gently brushed the tip of Nantucket again. Alfred sat up straighter immediately but hesitated to turn around.

'_Aww… You think it's all in your head now… I vish I could hear vhat you are thinking right now…'_

He began to continue to rub Nantucket harder getting a moan out of the other nation. _This_ time Alfred reached back and grabbed his hand and shot a glare at him. He was blushing profusely and looked adorable. Well, more adorable than how Ivan has always perceived him.

"I-Ivan… You Communist… bastard! It _was_ you!" Alfred hissed.

"Ah-ah-ah~" Ivan cooed. "You're supposed to keep reading, _vithout_ getting distracted, da?" Alfred was silent. "Da?" Ivan asked again twirling Nantucket with his finger, making the American blush even more.

'_It's so nice to know that he has a sensitive spot that's alvays out in the open like this… then again, I vouldn't put it past him to vear hats vhenever he's going to be around me now. Oh vell, it vill be vorth it.'_

"…yes…" Alfred growled and turned back to the hand written copy of the Communist Manifesto. "Just stop it…"

"Vhy? I like it…" Ivan teased as he kept tugging and twirling the hair. Alfred reached back to stop him again, only to get his hand slapped back down. "No touching and read. Now, you dirty Capitalist."

* * *

><p>'<em>He's fucking molesting my hair! Damn it… it feels good… but.. it's so wrong! And it's making it hard to read! If he keeps that up, we won't finish until morning! I bet that sick pervert will love every minute of it…'<em>

He was given a sharp tug on his piece of hair that was held hostage by the 'sick pervert' Communist. Alfred choked back a moan.

"Vhy aren't you reading?" Ivan teased pulling on Nantucket more. This time he was next to him so Alfred had a chance to catch the smell of vodka and tea on his breath as it passed the side of his face.

"I'm getting to it…" Alfred hissed. "' It has created e-enooormous cities, has greatly i-INCREASED…! the urban population as c-compared with the rural," Alfred paused for a minute trying to calm himself down. With all the attention Nantucket was getting, all his blood was leaving his head and making concentration harder, like another part. "…and has thus rescued a considerable p-part of the population from the idiocy of rural life."

Alfred sighed at the relief when Ivan let go of Nantucket. He was getting too turned on by it to keep it a secret. He glanced down quickly to make sure it wasn't that noticeable before trying to find his place. With all the molestation his head was getting, he forgot to correct Ivan on his spelling again. But now, trying to keep Florida un-noticed was more important. Someone else came into the room and as instinct, Alfred covered himself with the papers blushing, hoping they don't realise what their "comrade" was doing.

'_Great. That's the last thing I need! Is someone to come in here when he was… was… jerking off Nantucket! I bet it will be all over the damn Soviet Union that I was a homo for getting _violated_ by their sick sick Commie… GAH! I can't focus… Calm down Alfred… You're the hero, you can overcome this… Look, they are distracting him… Giving you the perfect time to get it back down. Think of gross things like… like England's cooking! Yuk!'_

"Keep reading, Jones. I vant to be able to hear you out here vhile I talk to my Comrade, da."

Alfred nodded and opened the thing. If he kept reading loud enough, Ivan won't have a reason to come back in so he picked up where he left off. He read so loud that he was sure he drowned out their conversation. Which was he plan. He didn't want them to have a conversation about whatever evil plan they had. Of course it had to be evil, they were Communists!

"-centralised the means of production, and has concentra—" Alfred stopped mid-sentence as a familiar aroma floated into the air covering up the smoky vinegar smell. Immediately his stomach growled at this familiar smell, the smell he will forever associate with everything he is and the Fourth of July. The smell of a hot juicy burger, fresh off a grill.


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10

Alfred's stomach growled as he smelled the burger. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Did he want to be home so bad he was imagining the smell that lingered in the air?

Ivan walked over grinning widely as he pulled up a chair in front of Alfred and set down a plate with the burger on it. Immediately his mouth began to water as a grin spread across his face.

"You got me something to eat too?" Alfred said jumping up. He was pushed back down onto his seat. "Is it not mine?"

"Do you vant to eat?" Alfred nodded furiously. He can't remember when was the last time he ate or even what time it was then and _now_. "Then finish this chapter and _maybe_ I vill let you eat…"

With a new motivation to eat his favourite food, Alfred sped read the rest of the chapter. Obviously, Ivan didn't like that so he pulled the burger away from him. A small part of his heart broke at the action. Ivan sat in it's place, legs crossed and grinning at him.

"I van't you to read more before you eat…" He spoke eyeing Alfred. Worried that the food will get cold, Alfred nodded quickly and started to read again.

"Chapter two! Proletarians and Communists!" He read loudly and enthusiastically hoping that if he was enthusiastic about reading this, he would get food sooner. However, all it did was make Ivan scoot closer. "Number one! By bourgeoisie is meant the class of modern capitalists, owners of the means of social production and employers of wage labour."

Ivan reached over and pet his head as he read, brushing roughly against Nantucket. Alfred bit his lip and continued.

"By proletariat, the class of modern wage labourers who, having no means of production of their own, are reduced to selling their labour power in order to live." Alfred shivered as Ivan continued to molest Nantucket and only continued to read when his hand was moved away. With a sigh of relief, he cleared his throat and spoke. "Number _twoooOOOoo!__" _

Alfred nearly jumped out of the chair if Ivan hadn't held him down. His hand was on his crotch and he had the widest grins on his face. He no longer looked as innocent as he normally did, but rather menacing, or at least more adult like. Ivan looking like his physical age, is creepy by all means. Even creepier when he's rubbing your dick through your pants.

"Don't get distracted, Jones. You don't vant your precious burger to get _cold_ do you?" Ivan cooed, moving his hand away to rub the American's leg. Alfred shook his head. "Then continue to read, da."

"That is, all _written_ history. In 1847, the pre-history of society, the social organisation existing previous to recorded history, all but unknown." Alfred continued fidgeting and pulling his legs together in hopes to block Ivan's wandering hand.

'_Aww… he looks so cute when he's determined. If only he vas more determined like that for other things than food and spreading democracy. But I vill have to try my best to make him lose his concentration.'_

Ivan kicked his foot between Alfred's feet and pushed them apart enough to put his other foot there. Alfred jumped and looked up at him worried.

"Keep reading, don't vorry your cute little Capitalist head. You vill come around to love this piece of literature…"

"So far is _sucks!_" Alfred interjected. He let out a loud 'eep' noise when Ivan scooted closer, simultaneously pushing Alfred's legs apart with his knees. "W-What are you doing?"

"If you don't start reading again, I vill make you start over."

That shut Alfred up. He went straight back to reading faster, wanting to get it done as soon as possible to get out of the awkward position he is in. Ivan continued to rub his leg before moving to un-zip his pants.

"-that is, a full member of a guild, a master with-with-wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Alfred shouted when Ivan pulled out his dick. All he got was a smile and a Russian word which probably meant read. So since that's all he could do, he tried to read again, struggling to choke back moans as Ivan slowly rubbed the tip.

'_He __finally __gave __in __to __me__… __but __this __isn__'__t __working__…'_ Ivan slowly pumped his member giving him firm squeezes in a rhythm that made him close his eyes and moan, losing his place. _'__Aww__… __he__'__s __so __hard__… __and __he __hasn__'__t __said __a __single __insult. __I__'__m __touched__…'_

* * *

><p>"T-the Communists do n-not form a s-SEPARATE~ party opposed to the other working-class partiiiiies." Alfred moaned as he read.<p>

'_Damn__it__… __He__'__s __jerking __me __off __for __real __now! __G-god, __I __don__'__t __wanna __be __a __homo__… __s-so __why __do __I __like __it?__' _Alfred leaned back and moaned, gripping the papers, making them crinkle. _'__O-oh __God__…__I__… __I__'__m __getting __close. __Please __stop __please __stop __please __stop, __please __OH __LADY __LIBERTY!__'_

Alfred's eyes shot open and gasped as Ivan gave his dick a quick lick before twirling his tongue around the tip. He gritted his teeth trying not to moan as the Communist continued, gently rubbing the underside. He stopped only momentarily to speak.

"Keep reading~"

"T-the C-Communists—"

"Next sentence, American." Ivan corrected before deep-throating him.

"OH SWEET DEMOCRATIC JUSTICE!" Alfred cried out thrusting forward, gripping the chair. As soon as Ivan pulled away to tell him to continue reading, he glanced at the papers and continued. "T-they have n-NOO interests separate a-and apart from t-those of the p-prooooletariat as a-a-a whole~~! O-oh god…!"

'_Shit __I-I__'__m __going __to __cum! __T-that __sick __fuck __is __going __to __get __away __with __this! __Oh __god, __I __hope __he __doesn__'__t __tell __anyone! __A __hero __doesn__'__t __get __violated __like __this! __At __least __not __by __a _GUY_!__'_

"T-They do not set up a-ANY sectarian principles o-of their OWN~~, oh god, nngh… b-by which to shape A-AAAND mould the proletarian M-movement~" Alfred's voice grew louder as his grip tightened on the papers even more.

'_I'm going to blow my load in him! G-gross! Pull away, pull away pull away—'_

"T-the Communists…The C-COMMUNISTS…. TH-THE CO-OOOOOMUNISTSSSS~~ AHH nnggh…." Alfred cried out as he came into Ivan's mouth with the sound of paper ripping apart. He leaned back panting before looking down at the Russian.

Ivan looked up, some of his cum dripping from the corners of his mouth. He grinned and swallowed before licking his lips.

'_H-HE __SWALLOWED! __WHAT. __THE. __FUCK?__ …__..__You __can __do __that? __Is __that __going __to __like, __make __a __baby? __Wait__… __men __can__'__t __have __babies__… __but__… _WHY?_'_

"Interesting… never thought your diet vould change flavour…"

"W-wait, what? Y-you've done this before y-you homo!" Alfred shouted, face red with embarrassment.

"Da, of course. You thought I didn't have a sex life?" Ivan let out a giggle and was back to his old self. He old _creepy_ self. "How cute. You call me homo vhen you enjoyed it."

Ivan stared at the papers he had painstakingly hand written which were torn in two in both of the American's hands. Alfred looked at it and gasped. He didn't realise he was holding onto it so hard that he tore them. And now, he can't finish reading it.

"You ripped it…"

"I-I'm sorry. I-I couldn't control my self. I was so close I—"

Ivan only grinned. "Oh, you vill pay for that. You'll just have to pay in –another- vay, da?"


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11

"OH GOD, DO I HAVE TO SUCK YOUR COCK?" Alfred shouted in a high pitched panicky voice.

"Vhat? No… I mean, if you vant to, sure. But that's not vhat I vas aiming for." Ivan grinned. "Glad to know that's vere your mind is."

"Oh… sorry dude… you know, you being a homo and all." Alfred apologised, rubbing the back of his neck feeling like he just made an ass of himself, and now he's pretty sure that the rest of the base heard him. As if they already didn't hear him scream in his orgasm...

"Since you ripped my _only_ English copy, I vill have to write a new one later. I am not happy about that…"

"Why dude? More practice to make your hand writing less girly!"

Ivan gave him a serious look. "You have to sit there and be still … and vatch."

"Watch what?"

Ivan whistled and yelled something out in Russian. Two large intimidating men in Soviet uniforms ran up, on one each side of Alfred. Ivan, grinning sadistically gave them a set of instructions. Alfred, damning once again he can't understand what he is saying, realised it dealt with him when they put their hands on his shoulder and held him down.

He then watched in horror as Ivan picked up the burger, his grin widening. Alfred tried to jump up in surprise and intercept the delicious, quite large, still hot and juicy burger from the fat Communist. The two men pushed him down violently into the chair making it creak.

"No! You _wouldn__'__t_!" Alfred uttered in total shock. "Don't you _dare_ harm that burger! That's _mine_!"

"Aa, but I had to pay quite a bit to get it made. Ve don't really make these out here in, vhat vould you call it? Commieland?" Ivan chuckled and smelled it. "Mmm, it smells so yummy."

"Don't you do it! Ivan! I'm warning you! That is _my_ burger! MINE I tell you!"

Ivan ignored the fuming American struggling to break free to save the burger in distress from its impending digestion. Ivan kept eye contact with him the entire time he brought the burger closer to his face, opening his mouth wider and wider as it got closer. America clenched his fists and bared his teeth in a scowl. There was utter silence in the room as Ivan took the first bite into the burger, the tender meat juicing slightly. The only sounds in the room was the crunch of lettuce and the moans of delight Ivan let out.

"Mm! This is so delicious~" Ivan cooed. "Mm, I vonder vhy ve don't serve these here."

"Because you're sick, sick, backwards Communist BASTARDS!" Alfred barked. He glared at Ivan as he continued to watch him eat the burger slowly and loudly, making a huge deal about how delicious it is and how he's missing out on it.

"Mm! You know, I don't think I can finish this all~" Ivan whined with a smile. "It's just so big of a portion. My tiny Communist stomach from lack of food can't handle so much flavour! Oh vhat shall I do?" He spoke sarcastically.

"Does it matter? You sure as hell won't give it to me! You enjoy making me watch you eat it, you… you!"

"Commie?"

"YEAH!"

"Vell, vhat if I _vas_ going to give it to you? Vhat vould you have done, then?" Ivan raised an eyebrow.

"I'd eat it in one bite so that you can't get the rest!"

"Tsk tsk tsk, so greedy. Vhy are you Americans so greedy? I vill let you have the rest of this, if you _can_ eat it all in one bite. I don't think you can fit it in your mouth, although you do talk a lot and are _very_ loud." He grinned waving the half-eaten burger in front of him.

"Bring it on, dude! I can shove ANYTHING in my mouth! No sweat!"

Ivan grinned and raised an eyebrow. "I shall take you up on that offer later."

"Huh?"

"Open vide~" Ivan held up the burger above Alfred's head making him look up to see it. The American did as he was told as Ivan pushed the rest of the burger in his mouth. Pushed was a rather gentle way of putting it since he _shoved_ it in as much as possible.

Alfred resembled a squirrel as he grinned a big goofy grin with his cheeks puffed out by the food inside as he began to chew. Ivan just watched in amazement as Alfred swallowed the burger with barely chewing it at all.

'_Ha, thinks I can't shove things in my mouth. I can swallow anything!... AWWW! That made me sound like a homo! Damn it!'_

Alfred opened his mouth big and wide to show him that there was nothing left of the burger. "See? I ate it all at once! Didn't think I could do that, did ya?"

"Vell, I alvays imagined you could shove large things into your mouth… I just never thought of them being food." Ivan admitted, still staring in awe.

"Not food? Then what did you think it was—" Alfred quieted when he saw the grin and blush on Ivan's face. "AWW DUDE! You homo! That's gross!"

"Vhat? It vasn't much of a challenge vith you, you know." Ivan guestured to Alfred's limp dick that was still resting outside his pants. Having completely forgotten about it, Alfred quickly coloured a bright red and covered up.

'_Dude! __I __so __hope __none __of __those __guys __were __looking __at __my __junk! __That__'__s __the __last __thing __I __need. __To __be __in __the __same __room __as _three _homos __after __me __for __my __hero __charm! __Everyone __loves __the __American __men.__'_

"Shut up! I couldn't fight back because you were forcing me to read!"

Ivan blinked and laughed at the fact that Alfred completely missed what he was referring to. He spoke to the men again and they left quietly, though they both could hear them talking as soon as they left.

'_Damn it, they're probably talking about my junk! I hate it here! I just wanna go home already! I didn't even get to eat all of the burger! And I'm still hungr—Whoa!'_

"Whoa, dude!" Alfred squeaked as he was pulled out of the chair. "What are you doing? Why are you so close?" He pulled his head away and twisted it to the side to avoid any lip-to-lip contact.

Ivan stared at him for a moment before moving his face around, as if examining him. Finally he smiled before putting "Florida" back in it's place inside his pants. Alfred blushed and frowned at being man-handled by the Russian. He hated the fact that he felt any glares he directed at him didn't have any threat to them because of the height difference.

"You know, I don't think you can go fly yet. It is now getting very cold and I think your base is no longer vaiting for you." Ivan lied.

"What? They never leave me! They know I'm the Hero and I _always_ come back! It's… It's just taking me longer this time." He muttered and looked down with a childish pout.

"Vell, if you really _are_ such a hero and vould be home by now. The first assumption is—"

Alfred gasped. "I'm not dead! And I'm no prisoner! Let me go!"

"No. After all, you don't look too good. You seem to be getting very _tired_. I don't vant you to fall asleep and crash your plane into one of my cities or, Stalin forbid, another _base._ So vhy don't you stay the night vith me, da?"

"Hell NO!"

"Great! It's settled! You'll stay the night vith me, da." Ivan giggled squeezing Alfred's hand hard enough to cause him to buckle down in an attempt to get away.

'_Damn__it! __Now __I__'__m __going __to __be __stuck __with __this __weirdo _all night? _What __the __hell __is __Tony __doing __man?__'_

Meanwhile, Tony was sleeping after eating the emergency "rations" of burgers and fries Alfred brought with him for the plane ride back.


End file.
